After the Gaia TV interview last month, I drove to Santa Fe to visit a close-knit community of friends who have bonded through training to become practitioners of the Soul Alchemy™ work of Robin Duda, co-founder of the Sustainable Love Training & Transformation Center. Robin and I are currently working on a book together, and I stayed with her and her SL co-founder husband, Joseph, at their house some miles east of the city.
As anyone who has journeyed through the creative process knows—whether it be birthing a book, art, music, a business, or a construction project—anything and everything needed to erase blocks and support and augment the creation can and will show up. And that definitely includes deeply personal issues and the emotions that go with them.
Many millions of people on planet Earth—whether they realize it or not—are currently in the throes of the creative process, busily birthing themselves as the New Humans aligned with the New World, ready to step through the dimensional veils, leaving the Old World with its divisive, violent, parasitic consciousness far behind.
In hopes of helping those who are also in the midst of the self-birthing process, I figured I’d share a personal story that illuminates the kind of purification and integration work that is so integral to this amazing journey we’re all on at this time.
Petra
Robin and Joseph recently traveled to Egypt and Jordan, and Joseph was showing me the excellent Power Point Presentation he’d made with all the pictures he took. It was hard to imagine that most of the colossal ruins dated back a mere 4,500 years. Some sites, like Petra in Jordan, screamed ANCIENT—and I got the hit from one slide in particular that I was looking at something familiar—something that had been carved straight out of rock some 400,000 years ago.
We’d just finished the slide show when Robin walked in. Being as psychic as she is, she took one look at me and said, “There’s suppression energy on you big time.”
Suppression energy? What the heck? I was just tired. Very tired actually.
I’d been sick for much of the trip, which had had to be postponed from March to May because I got sick before my first scheduled interview at Gaia TV in March. Then, four days before I left May 14th, I got sick again. When Regina Meredith and I met in makeup before the show, we had to laugh about the situation. I was coughing and popping vitamin C and D3. She was sick and popping Ivermectin. Both of us acknowledged that the interdimensional forces were certainly hard at work trying to keep us from publicly talking about their negative interference with humanity on the show during the interview about my book Cracking the Matrix.
I told Robin I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. She stood her ground and said “It’s suppression energies” and gently prompted me to learn to tell the difference between fatigue and psychic interference.
I tried to get it up to get insulted about being told what was what with me. But intuition stopped me in my tracks, whispering, She’s right, you know.
And she was.
Doggone it!
Background info
She was in the midst of deep grief over the very recent death of one of her brothers and let it all out, nakedly, vulnerably, in front of me. And instead of feeling compassion for her as she cried, mostly all I felt was irritation.
After three years of friendship, I was tired of her endless pain.
She is a beautiful woman, incredibly smart and capable, and an astonishingly talented artist. I desperately wanted to see her move on and get over it. I wanted her to smile and dance and express the amazing depths of power and unique creativity within her. I wanted a mirror of health and happiness, not a mirror of damage and pain. (Oh my—who was resisting seeing/feeling her own wounds here???)
I didn’t say these things, of course. Instead, I countered her tearful sharing with something light-hearted to raise the mood. And then we moved on to other things.
Except, of course, neither one of us really moved on from the moment. She felt unseen and judged (Which she had been.) and was rightfully hurt. For my part, I felt a nagging sense of wrongdoing and vague guilt that wouldn’t go away.
A galactic influence
Fast forward … and Robin and I go into the healing room at her house to dive into the “suppression energies” around me, weighing me down, telling me to just go to sleep.
And what came up (or out, rather) was an ancient galactic part of me that had been part of the domination of Earth in the Mesopotamian region of the planet long before it was Mesopotamia.
The pictures of Petra had triggered an old past life and that part of me, which was masculine, finally showed itself.
Arrogant, indifferent to the pain and suffering of mere humans, this alien “me” belonged to a species that was vastly powerful in a technological sort of way. Conquering and exploiting planets and their resources was all in a day’s work for them, and this impatient persona couldn’t, for the life of him, fathom why he should be concerned about the survival or wellbeing of a ratty bunch of pathetic humans whose sole purpose in life was obviously to serve at his pleasure.
With Robin’s coaching, another past life “me” showed up—a young girl—one of the ratty pathetic humans turned into a brow-beaten slave during that general time period. Obsequious, cowed, she found it extremely difficult to access any sense of self-value or autonomy.
My dialoguing with the alien male, alternating between two chairs, moving back and forth between his persona and my own, made it clear he wasn’t interested in integrating with the current “me.” He saw no value in it for him. I was beneath him. My emotions were beneath him. His icy, arrogant superiority was seemingly impenetrable. And then … sitting in his chair, tuning in … I sensed a chink in his armor.
There actually was a possible pathway to integration, and it lay in getting him to see that he and his entire galactic species had been tricked by same parasitic interdimensional beings that are here on planet Earth, currently programming humanity into adopting the same robotic, emotionless, technological existence based strictly in power-over dynamics.
The key
The thing is… this alien persona is/was me. And I know me. I know where my heart of hearts lies: in discovering and living the truth and purity of life and love that is my real nature. (And humanity’s nature.)
Because he was “me,” this, too, was his essential nature. It just lay buried, co-opted and long forgotten. When he “got” the deception. When he saw that he and his species had been infiltrated, tricked, and twisted. When he saw there was actually a path other than the ancient path of power and control, cruelty and domination, he stood up and took it. Tentatively.
The integration process between us is still ongoing.
Turn around
All that is not love—in other words, all that is actually not me—is being released one way or another.
The person I used to act like (last week!), believing it was “myself”—the Cate Montana who was superior and arrogant about it; the Cate Montana programmed to “just get on with it;” the Cate Montana who was impatient with what she perceived to be other peoples’ weakness; the Cate Montana that didn’t want to accept the abuse and suffering, victimization and powerlessness she had embodied, identified with, and clung to during previous lifetimes—got revealed.
And none of those patterns were really me at all.
They were echoes from previous lives, and previous experiences—some, even, of an alien race. Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions that had never been seen, heard, felt, acknowledged and released, unconsciously playing out through me … running the show.
Unloving thoughts, feelings and actions that I thought were me, but were not.
Testimony
This little story is just one example of the kind of purification process that so many of us are going through.
Of course, the acid test for assessing the successful integration of other “parts” of the self (for lack of a better way of putting it), whether it’s disassociated child parts from this lifetime or memories and behavioral patterns of former selves from another time and dimension, is whether or not there is a shift in one’s current sense of self—a shift in thoughts, feelings and actions that reveal a transformation has actually taken place.
After that experience (Thank you Robin for the coaching!) and after I got home from my trip, when I thought back to how I had treated my friend, replaying our interaction, the old impatience and judgments were gone. All that was left was deep compassion for my friend and sorrow that I’d been so unable to witness her. I also felt a deep compassion for myself because I now understood what had stood in the way.
To say I was surprised at both my previous lack of empathy and the root cause is an understatement!
I realized I wanted and needed to repair the situation, so I called my friend and we had a great conversation. I told her, essentially, what I just told you and apologized. She graciously accepted with warmth and total understanding. We talked about our mutual wounding and the ghastly wounding all humanity has suffered for countless ages at the hands of countless abusers. We shared our mutual determination to move on … and shared our appreciation for the kind of enlightening purification processes available to us, such as the one I had just gone through, enabling us to consciously do so.
And when I asked, she gave unhesitating permission to share this story.
Multidimensionality
I’ve talked for a long time about how humans are multidimensional beings, and I’ve never had any issues accepting the reality of past lives and/or our abilities to access and try on other experiences vibrating in the quantum field of forever. I’ve had many potent experiences in the past three years accessing other lost aspects of my personality—mostly child parts split off from trauma this lifetime. But those retrievals didn’t have the impact this one did.
They didn’t radically change me in an immediately obvious way that I could notice.
This experience was different. It has jarred the hell out of me, making me realize just how multifaceted and vast I am; how many myriad experiences, thoughts, feelings, actions, inactions, patterns, programs, ideas, beliefs, dogmas, and attitudes from across all time and space make up “me.”
It has made me realize that a lot of those experiences, thoughts, feelings, actions, inactions, patterns, programs, ideas, beliefs, dogmas, and attitudes from across all time and space do not vibrate at the frequency of love and do not honor and support life.
And it has made me realize that all my life I’ve automatically assumed those less-than-loving tendencies and expressions—for example, a lack of love and compassion for self and others—were “just how I am.”
I assumed I was the sole source of these limiting energies and responsible for their continued expression.
I assumed it was all on me to change these aspects of myself. So I meditated and prayed, did inner work and went to therapy, wrote affirmations and made vision boards. And when the thoughts and attitudes persisted, I wondered why I could not change them and myself for the better.
So then I blamed myself for being stuck, stupid … unsalvageable.
Incapable of growth and change.
Moving on
Boy, was that all wrong! I am a being of love. How can I become what I already am?
How can I change that which I am not?
How could I change the deep arrogance and sense of superiority, the impatience with suffering and victimization I expressed? It belonged to another time, another space, another species, another life expression.
It was never mine to change in the first place.
All I could really do was be open to seeing where and from whom (and why) those energies came. And in so doing understand they weren’t really me and let them go.
Actually, I didn’t even have to actively let them go.
The purification process—the witnessing and the stripping away of illusion, delusion and all that I am not—is a natural process. I don’t have to figure it out and “do” anything.
It simply happens.
Passionately desiring to express all that I really am and doing everything I can to align with life and nature’s intelligence—align with the New Earth—is enough. I lean back and trust life. I don’t fuss and strain, worry and focus. People and situations just show up. Transformative experiences occur.
And it’s happening faster and faster and faster.
I bet you can relate!
Onions
The old saw about humans being like onions is true. So is the ancient analogy of veiling.
As eternal and infinite beings of pure love, the amount of experiences, wisdom, and programming we’ve picked up on our journeys is unimaginable. And because we’re operating in the realm of space/time at the moment, it takes time and space for all these energies to unravel and gravitate to their own level of consciousness.
That which is of love gravitates to love and life. That which is not is pulled down a different path.
There is no “one and done” on this journey. Well, okay … in the realm of infinite possibilities I’m sure there is. (But it’s likely a pretty traumatic path!) For myself, and perhaps for most of us, it’s apparently a process of “It takes what it takes.”
Healing—individually and globally—takes whatever it takes, as long as it takes. Although at this point it’s beginning to feel like a rough shake-down cruise!
The waters are deep, the waves are high. Land is, as yet, nowhere in sight. But it’s there. Actually it’s already here. And the veils weighing us down are dropping to let us in.
Much love and aloha ~