What an amazing year! I can’t help but be amused at how the year started, which was the same way most years of my life have started: With me determined to do something—to accomplish something in the world—and be somebody. (I mean really, only people who think they are someone with something to accomplish send out newsletters, right?)
And then along came Covid, and all that went out the window—not because the pandemic made accomplishing things in the world difficult (which, of course, it has). Oh no. It was because the pandemic showed me that the idea of accomplishing something out in the world and trying to be somebody was, at worst, ludicrous and, at best, futile.
Of course, I’ve known for 15 years that there really is no “out there” out there … that there is NOTHING in the outer world that can ultimately satisfy me or make me happy. But I kept going back to drink at the same damn well over and over again anyway. Maybe this book will finally be that best seller and put me on the map. Maybe this person will make me happy. Blah blah blah.
What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results?
Anyway – when Covid arrived, I dropped most of my plans and decided to teach A Course in Miracles, because the Course is the best tool I know for consistently enabling people to reframe their perspective and get beyond thinking like a limited human being living in the illusion of separation depending on the outside world to satisfy them. And that felt really good until, six months into teaching a class, I got highjacked again … this time by another channeled teaching of Jesus called A Course of Love.
Holy Hannah … can you say “world class cosmic game changer?” I consumed A Course of Love as it obliterated me in a freaking tsunami of aha’s and inner transformations. (FYI, ACOL is not really a book, although it comes in book form. It actually is an initiation process you go through … if you so desire.)
Bless the people in the class who hung in with me this summer when I announced I was switching to sharing A Course of Love instead of teaching ACIM. It has been quite the ride and awesomely enriching for all of us.
Which brings me up to right here right now writing to you.
Once upon a time I wanted to be a spiritual master. I wanted to achieve Christ Consciousness and walk on water and heal people and be the marvelous mystical being I was told I could be. Never mind I already was a marvelous mystical being. I didn’t know that. I thought I was a boring, limited human being. And what greater achievement could a boring, limited human being set their sights on than spiritual mastery?
Wow, what a rabbit hole.
After all, the entire premise that a human being can become a spiritual master is based on the ego’s faulty perception that we are human beings to begin with and need to somehow improve the self that we’re not.
So … I sit here today, fundamentally empty. Empty of ambition, empty of the need to do or be or change or improve anything. I am empty, and yet at the same time I have never in my life been so full.
I have never been so peaceful. So complete. So whole. So quiet. So joyous.
All these years I’ve been wanting to accomplish, never realizing I was already accomplished. All these years I’ve been wanting to change the world instead of being who I really am. And being who I really am is the only thing that will change the world.