Wow! I entered 2017 on a tidal wave of answers. I know who I am! I know what I’m doing! I know where I’m going! Simon & Schuster just published my book about the ego and enlightenment. I know what I’m talking about! Follow me!
If you have followed me (as in social media), you’ve had a front row seat watching the whole thing implode. Yeah, I do know who/what I AM. And it’s NOT Cate Montana! But so what? What good is the knowledge if it doesn’t translate into a better all-round life in the body for the illusionary yet still around, all-too-prone-to-suffering persona that’s left holding onto the flesh bag?
I thought I was going to sell books, stand on stage, talk and teach classes. I thought I was going to be amazing and inspirational and make money. I didn’t anticipate living in an RV in the desert, cleaning toilets, changing sheets and watering plants in exchange for accommodations.
Sure, I stood on stage, gave some talks and sold some books. I was probably even inspirational a few times. But life knew that wasn’t the real gig this year. Hell, even I knew there was more afoot than that.
You see, underneath all my dreams of being a published author and grand spiritual teacher helping uplift the planet is the bigger, deeper, more pressing dream: LIBERATION
Freedom from suffering. Freedom from worry and all concerns … freedom from the illusion that people and the planet require saving … HA! The kind of freedom that doesn’t arrive just because you’ve got a book, a great sales funnel, a “Spiritual Teacher” bio and a nice house with mortgage payments you can afford.
I haven’t walked into that kind of liberation yet. (Or even the other kind!) And “I – Cate” never will. Hmmm. At least I don’t think the Cate persona can be that free. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the persona can thin until it’s as transparent as glass—maybe it can stretch to become as all-inclusive as forever—all-encompassing in Oneness.
Isn’t that what entering the transpersonal realm of consciousness is all about? Isn’t that what I said in my book?
Isn’t it time I discovered the answer?
If there’s one thing I’ve gotten in touch with this year, it’s the vast distance between having answers and having questions and where the difference will take me. Answers are great. They’re comfortable as hell. But they’re just temporary stepping stones.
It’s the questions that set me free.