Writers are experts in disappointment.
Day after day, month after month, year after year we sit at our computers in our spare bedroom churning out pitches for articles to editors, book pitches to publishers and agents, pitches for blogs, pitches for reviews of previous work, pitches to professors at universities politely asking if they’d like to add our book or article to their adjunct reading list for their students.
We throw email queries into the void like a crazed Ball Boy machine … ideas we hope will kindle a blaze in some editor’s mind and heart, racing on electronic wings at the speed of light to their destination.
And then we wait…
Response times vary. It can take minutes if you catch an editor in a rare moment of down time and your pitch has grabbed their eye. Or it can take months—yes, months—to find out whether an idea has ignited a positive response. After that it can take up to a year to actually get your idea into article form and published … and paid.
If it’s a book add another year or two or more.
And get this – writers savor their rejections. Oh, not the brutally short “not interested” form-letter rejections or deafening silence that sometimes greets a pitch. If an editor actually responds in person we get excited. If the editor actually writes something like “Not quite right for us” we’re over the moon. Personally, “Please feel free to pitch me again anytime” sends me to the grocery store for a bottle of champagne.
Is this pathetic or what? I’m not going to get into an explanation of why such masochism is enjoyed let alone pursued. There is none beyond “the madness of art and artists” —along with a healthy does of “this is how ego’s cope with rejection and still feel good about themselves.” But I’ve collected more than my fair share of rejections so far this week, and my ego isn’t even slightly bruised, so listen up. Something must be working. So here are a few solid tips on the best ways to handle rejection from one who know how to take it on the chin:
1) Don’t give in to the Bloody Mary before 11 am. Eleven o’clock is respectable because it’s officially brunch. Any earlier and you’re just one more sot who can’t handle rejection and you’ll hate yourself even more afterwards.
2) Don’t have a third (or fourth) latte. Caffeine and emotions are a bad combo. I once got so jacked up I accidentally hit “send” on an email I never meant an editor to see and lived to rue the day.
3) Be sure to delete the address from any email you start to write just to blow off steam and say all the things you want to say but shouldn’t.
4) Tip #3 applies to ex-husbands, boyfriends, co-workers and, of course, The Boss.
5) If you’ve gone over the edge from anger to rage or disappointment to despair, take a break. Get out of the office. Take a walk. Get in your car, roll up the windows and scream … whatever it takes. But DO NOT sit at your desk and stew.
6) Try not to bitch. This is hard, I know. I’m resisting calling my agent to whine about my awful rejection-filled week this very minute.
7) Don’t eat. Food and strong emotions are another bad mix. Just ask anybody with an ulcer.
8) Use your emotions constructively. For example, I’m writing this blog instead of beating my head against the wall or giving in to #s 1, 2 or 6 above.
9) Go for a walk. This is a repeat, I know. But it bears repeating. Get out where there are trees and grass and hopefully some sunshine. Being out in nature has been scientifically proven to calm brain waves, settle emotions and uplift one’s spirits.
10) NOW you’re ready for the hard part: Contemplate WHY you got the response you did to your pitch or report or Power Point Presentation or idea. Be HONEST. See where you can improve. Learn from the experience of rejection and disappointment instead of being its victim.
Wow. Okay. That took three hours and I’m in a MUCH better space. I made myself laugh writing this. I remembered some stupid things I’d done. And I’ve calmed down and realized why I received the rejections I received. I can do better. We all can. We just sometimes need a some healthy self-talk and ego coaching to handle the inevitable disappointments that arrive with the rest of life.
And now, please excuse me. It’s 11 o’clock and I’m going to … tsk tsk … I know what you’re thinking. But no. It’s 11 o’clock and I’m going to go take a walk in the rain.