Are they possible? Are they desirable? Better yet … what the hell are they? What does an “impersonal relationship” entail?
I ask myself these questions because at this point in my life I find that, after many years of happy singledom, I have the desire to experience an intimate relationship with a man. The draw is companionship, laughter, the exquisite gift of experiences/life moments shared, mutual evolutionary mirroring & support, like-minded passion for play and growth, freedom and doing work that uplifts us and the world.
The vision of a relationship like this is compelling and exciting. And yet … the thing that gives me pause every time is the thought of emotional enmeshment and the concomitant drama that goes with it.
Sitting deep in contemplation this morning, it occurred to me that I should add the energetic quality of “impersonal” to the relationship I desire. Almost simultaneously I felt dismay. What is the use of an impersonal intimate relationship? And then I wondered, what did that really even mean?
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary gives the following synonyms for impersonal. The shrivel-me-up ones that make me want to forget about the whole thing are: indifferent, cold-blooded, emotionless, dispassionate, disinterested, inhuman. Yikes!!!!
But then there is detached, equitable, candid, objective, straight, strictly business.
I know what detachment feels like: freedom — freedom from button-pushing personal issues /programs that send me into tailspins of guilt, remorse, anxiety, uncertainty, fear etc etc.
Equitable? That feels nice. Candid? That’s me! Objective? That’s me at my best sometimes. Straight—I’m all for being honest and straight forward about things. Strictly business? Hmmm. Well, if the business at hand is companionship, laughter, the exquisite gift of experiences/life moments shared, mutual evolutionary mirroring & support, like-minded passion for play and growth, freedom and doing work that uplifts us and the world, then count me in!
Am I at the place in “personal” evolution where I am equal to this vision? Ha! We’ll see!